Ku seka! To laugh!

Kuseka! To laugh! I am sure you guys have been waiting to hear some funny stories! In general I can get plenty of laughs from observing the people and my surroundings. The names of little shops and businesses are hilarious…like Stop Jealous Tuck Shop (tuck shops are small general stores). Bars named Liquor Nest and Boredom Breaker! Other businesses try to be modern and name their shop things like J.K. International Sinda Branch…you just have to laugh because you know that there is no other shop other than this one much less internationally. The other day I saw a business called Broken Investments…too funny! People’s names here crack me up….the guard at our PC provincial house is Fatness. I have meet people named Innocence and Tears, or the best yet…Liverness Towel!! OMG!!

Modes of transportation provide plenty of laughs too. Monday I saw a guy riding his bicycle with a pig tied to the rack! The best part was that the pig was still alive and has his mouth tied shut!! A few miles later I saw a man with a goat tied to his bike! Bicycles are the most common transport in and out of the villages. Many people get rides into the boma (town) by riding on the bike racks (It would be nice if you could pull me into town..ha ha). I commonly see old women and children…the other day I saw a family of four all on one bike! I immediately thought ‘what would they give for a Hummer?” In the states we see one person in a SUV…here it would be filled with about 20 more people than would fit plus about 10 chickens and a few goats…that is if the goats weren’t being ridden in on the back of a bike! Ha! Ha!

As volunteers we are trained in HIV/AIDS education and we are encouraged to promote awareness in our villages. During one of our trainings a current volunteer came to share some of her experiences of HIV/AIDS education in her village. She had an awareness training in her village and she did a condom demonstration. She went through the 6 steps of correct and consistent condom use. Since she was in the village she had limited tools for her demonstration so she used a stick. She carefully explained that if you use a condom using these 6 steps you would be protected from HIV. She felt as if the session went well and gave condoms to the villagers. A few weeks later she was walking through her village and noticed a stick with a condom on it placed outside a hut. Come to find out, the villagers thought that putting a condom on a stick and placing it outside their hut was practicing safe sex! WOW!

During second site visit I stayed with a volunteer who was at the end of her service. She decided to throw a farewell party and asked the village to help her with the planning. We were sitting in the community school planning the party…you know going thru all the specifics…how many goats and chickens did we need and how were we going to get them. So it was decided that we needed 4 chickens and that the gizzards and livers were to be served to the village Headmen. It is tradition to serve goat at farewell gatherings but this man at the meeting continued to mention that we needed to purchase a pig stating… “But I know a pig!” it was too funny at the time…maybe you had to be there but HE KNOWS A PIG! Well we ended up getting 2 goats. I watched as the villagers killed and gutted the goats. No part of an animal goes to waste here…they eat it all. So sad to say but one of the goats was pregnant with two kids. When the man told us this I responded without thinking “Great, can we eat them as appetizers?” OMG! That was disgusting…but very funny! I must report that I did not eat any goat and I do not know what they did with the fetuses. ..hope I don’t get added to PITA’s hate list!

So, I have debated whether or not I should share this next story. It is pretty much the funniest and most disgustingly disturbing thing that has happened during training…and it just so happened to have happened to me…of course!! WARNING the following is not attended for all audiences. Men and children should be advised! So not to go into to much detail but I was at the moon (that is what Zambians call it when women have their cycle) and I did not want to throw my plastic applicators in the pit latrine (I know, who brings plastic to Zambia..what was I thinking?) Anyway, so I collected them all week in a plastic bag to throw into the trash pit. I tied the bag in a knot and threw it in the pit as I left for class. When I came home for lunch I noticed that a large number of village kids were around my compound. As I walked closer I realized they were playing with some type of toy. You may know where this is going….I walked up to a child and noticed that he had one of my applicators in his hands using it as a popper pulling it in and out. Then I looked over and saw that a small girl has one in her mouth using it as a whistle!! I was totally freaked out and screamed “Dirty, Very Very Dirty!” I was absolutely mortified…what had I done. How was I to know that the children would climb down into the trash pit, dig around and find my black trash bag, untie the knots and use my tampons and whistles and toys?!?! Moral of the story…don’t throw anything in the trash pit that you do not want children to play with!

Well just a few laughs for you! I am sure many more will come! Please email and write me to share some of the laughs you have been having! Heard any good jokes lately? What has Conan O’Brian and John Stewart been saying? Kuseka! Kuseka!